I wonder what made me think of this?
A very very old friend of mine, on his second marriage, constantly tells me that he’s become resigned to the idea that marriage is hard work.
“You’ve got to compromise, keep your mouth shut, surf the bad times, think about the kids. Don’t flirt with other people, don’t think about what you might have had, don’t pick fights, don’t be drawn into a fight. Learn to cook. Learn to read in the dark. Learn to defer.”
All very good advice. But mine is simpler.
Marry someone you adore.
You’ve got to be lucky to do it, but it works every time.
I believe Marriage is a lot like Shepherds Pie – I have tried them both and got on with neither…!
I’ve got an other half I love to bits – been wed since 1983 – your advice is so right.
I adore my husband, but that didn’t stop the prospect of marriage – of committing FOREVER to someone when I had no idea what forever would bring – terrifying me.
I found Margaret Atwood’s poem ‘Habitation’ when I was looking for readings for the ceremony. So much of it rang true to me, although I wussed out of using it in the end, thinking it was too much of a break with tradition for ‘the olds’ to handle.
Marriage is not
a house, or even a tent
It is before that, and colder:
the edge of the forest, the edge
of the desert
the unpainted stairs
at the back, where we squat
outdoors, eating popcorn
where painfully and with wonder
at having survived
this far
we are learning to make fire.
Perfectly simple and perfectly true – it certainly worked for me. If I can add a small morsel of my own:
Don’t get married just because you’ve run out of things to talk about
… and adores you back.
I like your simple version.