Why is it that the minute you get back to home sweet home, you inevitably encounter a news item so stunningly moronic that you have to check the date three times to make sure it’s not April fools day?

“Many of us have decided that its about time pole fitness is recognized as a competitive sport,” reads the petition to make Pole Dancing (my caps) an Olympic sport, “and what better way for recognition than to be part of the 2012 Olympics held in London!”

I’ve invented a new acronym for the occasion.  NIMO.  Not In My Olympics. (If I weren’t such a calm and upstanding citizen I might go a step further and acronym it NIMFO, but that would be wrong.)

Look. It’s not just that I’ve got jetlag and am feeling cranky. No matter what pathetic argument you dredge up about the highly-trained-athlete-quotient of half-naked writhing girls in high heels being no different from that of 15-year-old anorexic gymnasts in leotards, I ain’t buying it.

Even if one accepts (I don’t) that it’s only the five inch stilettos that separates ‘pole fitness’ from various other dubious gymnastic events (my favourite being Dancing Around With Ribbons On Sticks While Keeping Toes Pointed at All Times), that separation is more than enough. Name me another ‘sport’ that has to be performed in a g-string. Don’t even think about arguing. I’m in no mood.

I’ll accept Pole Dancing (go on, call it the ‘vertical bar’, call it Camilla Von Putsch for all I care) as an Olympic sport when Usain Bolt goes out for the 100 meter Interpretive Strip Tease.

And that is SO my final word on the subject.



10 thoughts on “Olympic pole dancing. Because you’re worth it.

  1. Claire 8 years ago

    >> when Usain Bolt goes out for the 100 meter Interpretive Strip Tease. <<

    Oh. Oh. Mental image. OH MY.

  2. Vivian Oldaker 8 years ago

    I assume this will be a “women only” event..

  3. raych 8 years ago

    Eventually the Olympics will be one big ‘talent portion,’ overshadowed by the inevitable swimsuit competition (which will replace the 200m butterfly. But not the breaststroke).

  4. Judy Astley 8 years ago

    Also – does anyone know if there’s any sport-related reason why the beach volleyball teams *have* to wear such teeny knickers?

  5. Lesley Martin 8 years ago

    Beach volleyball anyone?
    I could not restrain my sniggers when a member of staff came in limping and explained that she had fallen off the pole at pole dancing class.

  6. Nina Killham 8 years ago

    Un-be-lie-vable! The world is crazier than I thought. And that’s saying something.

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  8. Liz 7 years ago

    Pole dancing is a perfectly decent, respectable exercise and more than worthy of an olympic competition. There’s already a strong following of competitive events around the USA. It doesn’t have to be skanky or sexual or women only. Plenty of people are capable of performing incredible feats on a vertical bar.

    1. Meg Rosoff 7 years ago

      Let’s call it The Vertical Bar, then, shall we? Pole dancing was started and is perpetrated in strip clubs where women dance semi-naked so men can get their rocks off. Not my idea of an olympic sport.

  9. Gabi 7 years ago

    Have you tried it yet? I do a fair amount of sport and recently learned pole. It’s tough. It hurts. And in order to do it well you have to train for hours.

    Men perform as well – both in individual competition and doubles. But not in a pair of high heels. Or a g-string.

    Give it a try… Then decide.

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