It started at the airport.
And I thought All at once?
And then, Don’t tell me what to do. Especially on a cheap sports bag. But it was too late. Suddenly, slogans are everywhere.
Stones with STRENGTH on them.
Endless weathered wooden plaques with DANCE LIKE NO ONE’S WATCHING, SING LIKE YOU’RE IN THE SHOWER, HAVE SEX LIKE A BABOON IN A TREE or some such.
Americans seem desperate for meaning. And Brit sloganism is not far behind.
So naturally, I thought I’d set the record straight. Here are some slogans from my personal shop window, available on mugs, t-shirts, acid free paper (add $100 framed), headstones and extra large support garments.
- DANCE LIKE YOU’RE ON A GIBBET.
- FLY LIKE YOU’VE GOT A STONE ROUND YOUR NECK.
- JUST DON’T. REALLY, I’M NOT KIDDING.
- BE NICE OR LEAVE.
- PLOD FASTER.
- MORE STUFF TO EASE THE PAIN.
- BOOZE. PROZAC. ASPIRIN. LIPITOR. DEAD.