Give your parents the gift of serenity.  Tell them you’ve decided not to write that misery memoir after all.

Your editor doesn’t want expensive perfume. Why not write a bestselling series a la Harry Potter instead? It will cost you nothing and bring years of happiness.

Christmas is a time for embracing thine enemy. Wrap a litter of mastiff puppies in pretty gold paper for his/her children.

Stressed over choosing the right gift for your teenagers? Try this nifty trick: place three or four large denomination bills in a festive envelope and watch their faces light up.

And, finally, in the rush to make everyone else happy, don’t forget to treat yourself! A litre of gin and that attractive snowflake tin full of mince pies makes a simple and nourishing breakfast or midnight snack.

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10 thoughts on “Surefire last minute Christmas presents.

  1. raych 5 years ago

    Oh my god how can I get far enough onto your bad side that you wrap me up a litter of mastiffs?

    1. Meg Rosoff 5 years ago

      When’s your due date? I’ll have them delivered to coincide.

    1. Meg Rosoff 5 years ago

      I raise my pie and gin to you, Bazza. And thanks for an ever-entertaining and informative blog.

  2. Vivian Oldaker 5 years ago

    Christmas 2012 TV Sensation: “How To Do Christmas” with Meg Rosoff.

    1. Meg Rosoff 5 years ago

      I usually can’t cope with more than a litre at 8am.

  3. Mieke Zamora-Mackay 5 years ago

    Those festive envelopes were always a great treat when I was growing up. I loved Christmas. I still do.

  4. Kate 5 years ago

    On Christmas Eve I sat in a darkened bedroom and tried to give my son the gift of sleep. That didn’t quite work, so instead I shared my cold with him. I think he would have preferred an i-pod touch.

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