There hasn’t been a really good book burning round these parts in, uh, I dunno — ages. And if you can’t get your blasphemous tome piled up by the far right and turned into one of those combination marshmallow roast/witch-trial thingies in an election year, I don’t know what the world is coming to.

So it is with great moroseness (it takes a few hundred books to get a good bonfire going, and that’s easily £1.50 in royalties) that I share with you a glimpse of rhetoric from different sects of the anti-Meg jihadists, none of whom has bothered to put match to paper in righteous anger:

Belonging to the Chosen People of Israel it is good to write in honour of The Most High instead of books which suggest the contrary.
Comparing G’d with a teenager, even as a play of thoughts, is in my opinion much worse then swearing. Remember that G’d has made the universe out of an immense energy which He transformed into material. I refer to the Einstein form: E = MC2. Such a huge Being is never to be compared, even in fantasy, with something else like a vulnerable human for example. I advise you to think over your position and ask G’d for help and mercy.”

And (under the headline WASHINGTON POST RECOMMENDS BOOK PORTRAYING GOD AS DYSLEXIC SEX FIEND):

“In a recent review,  book reviewer Ron Charles gave thumbs up to a book about to be published that is more blasphemous than The Last Temptation of Christ and the Da Vinci Code combined.” 

(Which made me very proud.)

And:

There’s No Dog is irreverent and portrays God as stupid, 
lazy, and self-indulgent. A parody, yes. The kind of thing we want our young people to read, no! We would always hope that those who encourage our young people to read would point them in a positive direction, especially during the difficult 
teen years when nothing benefits kids more than a solid relationship with God. Come on, book reviewers, you can promote better books than this! But then, there will always be people who hope to tantalize and tempt our teens to read “irreverent books” and call them “incredibly fresh and dangerous.” That’s why as parents we do need to be diligent in praying for our children.”

Thank you, Eva Apelqvist from Wisconsin, who reviewed There Is No Dog (positively) for her local paper and sent me this letter to the editor.

(There are, of course, many many more, but modesty forbids.)

So friends — if you are friends — order your 200 copies and your firelighters today.

Mazel tov.

 

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25 thoughts on “Greetings from your neighbourhood antichrist, oy vey.

  1. Shelley Souza 5 years ago

    The best thing you could hope for is that the book is banned: it will hit the NY Times best seller list in no time.

  2. David McMath 5 years ago

    I found it rather hard to light.

  3. ej runyon 5 years ago

    I’m sure somewhere waay back when, someone took a look at the New Testament and said something like “Come on, book reviewers, you can promote better books than this!”… Welcome to a impressive group.

  4. bookwitch 5 years ago

    Can’t cope with having the Stockport fire brigade troup through my house one more time. Sorry.

  5. Judy Astley 5 years ago

    Well that’s where the bliss of free local libraries comes in. My childhood/teens were absolutely mind-expanded by having access to a library in the great free privacy of my own time. The idea of being ‘pointed in a positive direction’ or ANY direction would have been dreadful and I could browse/read wherever I chose. Poor America, feel sorry for them. And for us here too, these days.

  6. bazza 5 years ago

    I wonder what those reviewers think a book is for? To promote their ideas or the writers?

  7. Vivian Oldaker 5 years ago

    I’ve only just started reading my copy – loving it so far – but I’ll be sure to incinerate the blasphemous tome as soon as I’ve reached the last line. Fahrenheit 451 rules!
    How will the book-burners cope when Kindle takes over the world?

  8. Briony 5 years ago

    Good work Meg.
    (Adored the book, incidentally. The fact it provoked these reviews is an entertaining and comic bonus!)
    fingers crossed for big bonfires, you deserve mega-royalties! Keep writing, love your stuff.
    🙂

  9. Mike 5 years ago

    Worse than swearing – um ah!

  10. Maura Byrne 5 years ago

    In crisis. Hadn’t realised there still exists teenagers who LISTEN to their parents?? Mum of two teens.

    1. Meg Rosoff 5 years ago

      Don’t panic, Maura. It’s just a nasty rumour.

  11. Nicky 5 years ago

    Considered setting fire to your splendidly excellent book (which I am currently reading and enjoying immensely) but that would mean setting my android tablet on fire, and that, my dear Meg, I won’t do, not even for you.

  12. Susanna Forrest 5 years ago

    You’re in good company. Black Beauty was banned in South Africa under the Apartheid regime and My Friend Flicka was removed from library shelves in parts of the US because it contained the word “bitch”.

    Your critics are always welcome to come and see me in Berlin and we can go look at the Bebelplatz monument. Not that they’ll get it…

  13. gsprendergast 5 years ago

    Frankly I found the book more insulting to teenage boys that to god. Kind of like when you call someone an ass it’s an insult to donkeys. Teenage boys are MUCH nicer than god.

  14. Stroppy Author 5 years ago

    I had a book banned! Not burned, though.

    Glad you posted this as it reminded me to buy the book! Better not buy the e-book as it won’t burn.

  15. Moominmamma 5 years ago

    ‘The difficult 
teen years when nothing benefits kids more than a solid relationship with God’ – must tell my difficult teen that. She seems to think nothing benefits teens more than smoking on the doorstep at 4am and living like an indoor-hobo. God could have a field day!

    1. Meg Rosoff 5 years ago

      My 14 yo’s most solid relationship is with chocolate. Go figure.

    2. Maura Byrne 5 years ago

      My 17 yr old daughter still won’t be seen out with me.

  16. Sue Hyams 5 years ago

    I absolutely will not burn my copy. It’s all beautiful and lovely and hardbacky. But now I see where I’ve gone wrong with the teen, letting her read all these blasphemous, immoral books. Funny, I thought she’d turned out quite well. Just goes to show.

  17. Amanda 5 years ago

    Even better would be a rumour it had been struck by lightning.

  18. Sarah 5 years ago

    I’m not sure I’m up for torching my kindle! Sorry Meg!

  19. jackie 5 years ago

    Come on book reviewers! I challenge you to find a better and more original take on teenagers than this! Love the book………. love the Eck.

  20. C 5 years ago

    *snorts with laughter*

    Lit my day.

  21. Lucy Coats 5 years ago

    Can’t burn it – the Eck has already eaten it. It gave him gas. Suppose I could light that?

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