Greetings from your neighbourhood antichrist, oy vey.
There hasn't been a really good book burning round these parts in, uh, I dunno -- ages. And if you can't get your blasphemous tome piled up by the far right and turned into one of those combination marshmallow roast/witch-trial thingies in an election year, I don't know what the world is coming to.
So it is with great moroseness (it takes a few hundred books to get a good bonfire going, and that's easily £1.50 in royalties) that I share with you a glimpse of rhetoric from different sects of the anti-Meg jihadists, none of whom has bothered to put match to paper in righteous anger:
"Belonging to the Chosen People of Israel it is good to write in honour of The Most High instead of books which suggest the contrary. Comparing G'd with a teenager, even as a play of thoughts, is in my opinion much worse then swearing.Remember that G'd has made the universe out of an immense energy whichHe transformed into material. I refer to the Einstein form: E = MC2.Such a huge Being is never to be compared, even in fantasy, with something else like a vulnerable human for example.I advise you to think over your position and ask G'd for help and mercy."
And (under the headline WASHINGTON POST RECOMMENDS BOOK PORTRAYING GOD AS DYSLEXIC SEX FIEND):
"In a recent review, Washington Post book reviewer Ron Charles gave thumbs up to a book about to be published that is more blasphemous than The Last Temptation of Christ and the Da Vinci Code combined."
(Which made me very proud.)
"There's No Dog is irreverent and portrays God as stupid, lazy, and self-indulgent. A parody, yes. The kind of thing we want our young people to read, no! We would always hope that those who encourage our young people to read would point them in a positive direction, especially during the difficult teen years when nothing benefits kids more than a solid relationship with God. Come on, book reviewers, you can promote better books than this! But then, there will always be people who hope to tantalize and tempt our teens to read "irreverent books" and call them "incredibly fresh and dangerous." That's why as parents we do need to be diligent in praying for our children."
Thank you, Eva Apelqvist from Wisconsin, who reviewed There Is No Dog (positively) for her local paper and sent me this letter to the editor.
(There are, of course, many many more, but modesty forbids.)
So friends -- if you are friends -- order your 200 copies and your firelighters today.